literature

One Good Reason

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“Give me one good reason,” Rose said quietly.

The Doctor watched her, nervous. Her pack was slung over her shoulder, her trainers tightly laced- something she hadn’t done since her father died, since they started this… whatever they had. She had confessed, one giggly afternoon as they stumbled around half-dressed, that shoes were too much of a bother to get off and she would gladly take the potential of tripping if it meant getting naked faster. At the time he was struggling with his boots and was willing to agree with her.

Now, staring at her, he wondered what happened.

(He knew- he had left that moment and so many others, as well as her faith, among the shattered glass in a French ballroom.)

“I need you,” he replied quietly. “And I… You know I want to bond, Rose. That hasn’t changed. I need you and I want you and I lo… I can’t give you up.”

She shook her head. “You said we couldn’t bond, remember? That my human brain couldn’t withstand the psychic energy needed to uphold it.” Rose smiled bitterly. “And I believed you, until Reneitte went traipsing through your memories without a by-your-leave. It’s not that my mind can’t sustain it, you just don’t want to make a commitment.”

“That wasn’t a bond,” he protested, taking a small step forward and wincing when she moved backwards. “It… She wandered where she shouldn’t. When I realized what she was doing I threw her out. It was temporary, not what we’ll have… would have. And if I build you up to it, maybe…”

“This isn’t if we’re compatible,” Rose snapped. “This is about you running off with some other woman after you promised you’d never leave me. What if you hadn’t found a way back? What if you had gotten back too late? We were trapped, Doctor, and the robots were about to kill us. What if they had? Would you have even cared with the Royal Whore there to distract you like some shiny new bicycle?!”

He winced. Rose had, unwittingly, touched upon his recurring nightmare- she, strapped to the table, gouged and dissected and used for parts. She had died screaming, and he had arrived too late- too late to save her, drowning in her blood and his fear and guilt and horror.

“Don’t act like I wouldn’t care! Rose, I exist because of you. If you died, I’d… I wouldn’t be far behind you,” he said, harshly. Before she could move he dashed forward, gripping her arms with a desperation that was surely reflected from his every pore. “That bomb was meant to kill me, Rose. I had it on a short fuse, no chance of running to escape, until I met you in that basement. And suddenly I couldn’t get over you, how you questioned, theorized, and were so smart and yet so innocent my head spun. And when it came time to blow the relay up I couldn’t. I couldn’t set it off without knowing if I could put the stars in your eyes. You saved me, still are saving me, every day, just by being here.”

She shook her head, looking stunned, but her voice was steady. “You’d survive. It’s what you do. The universe needs you too much. “

“And I need you too much to listen to what the universe says,” he said. “I’d re-order time for you. Already have. Please, Rose. Stay. For me, for us, for you and the TARDIS and forever. Please.”

She didn’t look at him. She stared at his tie, the one she had bought him as a belated Christmas gift, brown silk with a rose-like pattern sewn in. “‘S like its a piece of both of us in one,” she had said when she gave it to him. He loved it, was almost scared of wearing it in case something happened. And something always happened.

He wished he could re-do everything.

“You just… Would you have invited her with us?” Rose asked, finally. “Knowing what she would have represented, would try to become, would you have really done it?”

“I don’t know,” he confessed. “I was caught up in the moment. If anything I would have shown her a star or two and brought her back. She doesn’t mean much to me beyond an impressive historical person who was brilliant in her own right. But she wouldn’t fit into our lifestyle, wasn’t meant for the stars like you are.”

She sighed and sagged into him. “I’m tired of your games, Doctor. I’ll stay, but you have to promise me that when you say forever, you mean forever.”

“I do, Rose,” he breathed, hardly daring to hope that she had forgiven him. “I’ll burn up a sun before I say goodbye.”

Though things weren’t healed entirely, he knew he would make it up to her. There wasn’t any other choice in the matter.
Post GitF angst, written for my friend Silver (Elizabeth). The prompt was that the Doctor wanted to take their relationship to the next step, but Rose is hesitant. I didn't mean to make it angsty, it just... happened.
© 2013 - 2024 aqua-mirage
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XxiLive4SeddieXx's avatar
"I'll burn up a sun before I say goodbye". AWWWW! :( This was a very good fic, though. I liked it a lot.